StraightTALK: With Nheena Weyer Ittner
Marquette, MI – Nheena Weyer Ittner grew up downstate but has lived in the UP for the last few decades. She’s the ambitious and gregarious founder and director of the Upper Peninsula Childrens Museum. She always seems to be in a good mood. Is that a façade? No. It’s real.
BC: What’s your most vivid memory from your childhood?
NWI: Well, I grew up in a family where the sun rose and set on my sister and me. My parents were the best parents in the entire world. They adored us. I was cared for, nurtured, loved, never was wanting for anything.
BC: How would you describe yourself as a girl? Were you popular, studious, nerdy?
NWI: I was pretty popular, I think. I was the vice president of our school in fourth grade! My sister ran my campaign. She’d drag me up and down the hallway in a wagon and then I’d wave to people (laughs). Then in junior high school, I was a cheerleader. It wasn’t until high school that I turned. I got a little feisty, I guess. But you know what? The bad things that I did at that age, they taught me the best lessons of my life.
BC: What do you mean by “bad things?”
NWI: Well, I hung around with people who were pretty risky. They were involved with drugs, a lot of drugs going on. But my sister and I learned that my parents were always supportive of us. I mean they were almost unaware of what my sister and I were doing. They just wouldn’t believe that we’d be doing anything wrong or hanging out with people who were doing bad things. But you know what? One time my mom and dad sat down with my sister after they had discovered she had taken a bunch of alcohol…and they all sat and cried like babies. That’s when my sister and I realized that the last thing in the world we ever wanted to do was disappoint those two people.
BC: Was there anything traumatic about your childhood or adolescence?
NWI: You know, if anything it was my bad choices in male partners. I guess I was this cute little thing and as a result boys were always clamoring over me. There were always boys around me. And if there was anything I could change now, I would change that. I would take those boys away, out of my life. They were too consuming, they were relentless.
BC: But you must have liked that.
NWI: Well, yeah, you got to the point where you thought that’s what you wanted. I’d have them lined up. When one was gone, I’d have another one ready to go. But you know, it took me away from a lot of other things, a lot of fun things with groups of friends because these boys were so demanding.
BC: You could have turned your back on them. Why didn’t you?
NWI: I guess it was a popularity thing. It was about self image. You know, if I had a cute boyfriend, then everyone would look at me and think, “Oh look! She’s got a cute boyfriend!”
BC: Did you parents have big plans for you? Did they apply any pressure on you?
NWI: Well, my mother was a math professor and my dad was a chemical engineer so there was never any question that I would go to college. But they never, ever tried to channel me into any particular subject. I went into art school and they never questioned that. They were fine with it.
BC: You went to the University of Michigan. Were you wild there?
NWI: No. I went through my wild times in early high school and then became pretty quiet the rest of the time.
BC: No drugs, alcohol or guys?
NWI: Well, I always had guys but unfortunately there were some who didn’t treat me very well and that made me sad but, no, I was a dedicated student, I worked hard, I didn’t party a lot, I had a lot of really good friends. It was good.
Nheena Weyer Ittner stands inside the Graceland Music interactive exhibit at the U.P. Children’s Museum. (photo by Ron Caspi)
BC: And then out of college, you fell in love?
NWI: Well, not exactly. When I was younger, I lived up the street from my future husband’s family…and to be honest, I fell in love first with my future husband’s mom and dad, especially his mother. I’d go over to their house and I’d talk to her while she was baking bread or making soup. She was a little Finnish lady and she’d tell me stories, or I’d tell her stories, and she would always make me feel like I was significant. And that was amazing! And so our two families just became very close but I wasn’t romantic at all with their son, my future husband.
BC: You didn’t sense that you might be falling in love?
NWI: No, not really. But he was a very unusual guy, very brilliant, and the funniest guy I’ve ever met. That’s what made me fall in love with him.
BC: Your marriage lasted for fourteen years and then you got divorced. How’d you deal with that?
NWI: I felt really badly that I let him down but I needed something else in my life. I needed to do something, to be somebody. My husband wanted me to be home with my children, and I loved my children but I’m not a stay-at-home mom. I had dreams, I had visions, I had ideas. I felt like he really didn’t want me to do any of that.
BC: You taught school for several years but then you got out of it. Why?
NWI: I left teaching because I wanted to do more. Teaching can be a really hard career and it can be very confining. I loved teaching, I loved my classes and my students but I wanted to do more.
BC: So you started thinking about starting the Children’s Museum. Did that contribute to your divorce?
NWI: Yeah, it did because it required me to be so dedicated to it, and that wasn’t what my husband wanted. He wanted me to be a mom who had dinner parties and traveled with him. And honestly, for ninety percent of the people out there, that would be a life that you would love, but it wasn’t for me. I had things I wanted to do with my life. But he’s a good person, a really good person.
BC: With the museum—it was ten years in the making–was there ever any doubt in your mind that it would happen?
NWI: No. Never. But you know, I look back on it now and I wonder, “How the hell did I do that?” I’m just the eternal optimist. I know there are negative things happening but they are so buried and out of sight that I just don’t think about them.
BC: Finances with the museum have been shaky at times. Very shaky. Has that been a concern?
NWI: No (laughs). Something always comes through, somehow it always works out. You know, there were many times when I didn’t take a paycheck. When I was a single mom with my kids, I didn’t have a lot of money but we were comfortable with our little lifestyle. I didn’t need a whole lot, I didn’t expect a whole lot. And something would always come through.
BC: Is there a darker side to Nheena Weyer Ittner? You always seem to be smiling and upbeat. Do you suffer from bouts of depression?
NWI: No, not at all. I think the last time I was really depressed was when I was sixteen years old and my hormones were all screwed up. (laughs)
BC: Now you have a new man in your life, Neil Cumberlidge, a professor at NMU. You’ve been with him a few years but you were single for quite a while before that. Was that difficult?
NWI: I was alone for well over ten years but there was something I figured out in my life. And it’s that you can choose your attitude. I will admit, after the divorce, there were some hard times, just being alone, or being in a bad relationship. But once I got over that, I realized I could choose to be unhappy alone…or I could choose to be happy. And I chose to be happy, and I was totally fine!
BC: And then you met Neil.
NWI: Well, we had been neighbors but he had been going through a very difficult time—his wife had died—and I was living up the block, and we became good friends. Very good friends.
BC: What’s he like?
NWI: One, he’s brilliant. Two, he’s witty and funny and adorable. And three, he’s just a gentle, loving soul. And he makes me feel important, he makes me feel significant. He likes to be with me! Sometimes, he’ll be in Singapore or Japan, and he’ll find time to call me. It’s amazing. I love it.
BC: Looking back on your life, do you feel good about yourself?
Nheena and Flower smile for the camera!
NWI: Yes, I’m proud of myself because I think I’ve tried to do things to help other people and I really like that. I love it when a family comes into the museum and tells me how much fun they had. Just the other day, in the paper, there was a story about two kids who were asked what their favorite thing was about the summer. And they said they went to the skate park! (Nheena was instrumental in getting the Marquette skate park built) That makes me feel proud, makes me feel like I’ve done something that was good for other people. I feel that you’re a success in life if you can make other people happy. That’s what it’s all about.
BC: Thank you, Nheena.
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